Funny Riddles

Why did the tomato turned red?
Because he saw the salad dressing.

Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares the crap out of their dogs.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he had no guts!

Why do they put bells on cows?
Because their horns don't work!

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
Roamin' Catholic.

What did the apple say to the orange?
Nothing stupid, apples don't talk.

What is the famous last words in surgery?
Ouch

What did yogurt say to milk?
What's up dood?

Why can't skeletons play music in church?
They have no organs!

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.

Why Did The skeleton cross the road?
To get to the body shop!

What's long, yellow, and has been out in the sun too long?
A bananna peel

Why did the Mexican push his wife off the cliff?
Tequilla! (to kill her)

How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb into a tree and act like a nut...


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Why does Bagels never want to go to Dunkin Doughnuts?
She's worried they might mistake her for the product.

The bad thing about being a lefty is that you can't do anything right.

What do you get when you cross a lion and a chicken?
A lion.

There are ten flies on a table. One gets crushed by a swatter. How many are left?
One. The other nine flew away.

What did one casket say to the other casket?
Is that you coffin?

What does Playful like to watch on TV?
Golf, because there are birdies.

What does a stupid king rule?
A King-dumb!

Where do you send misbehaving computers?
Boot camp.

Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon?
Because he was dead.

What building has the most stories?
The public library.

What begins with E and ends with E and has a letter in between?
An envelope

What month has 28 days?
All of them.

How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.

What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quatro Sinko.

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What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.

What Do You Get When You Cross A Snowman With A Vampire?
Frostbite.

What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.

Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

What's The Difference Between A Bad Golfer And A Bad Sky diver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Sky diver Goes Dang! Whack.

How Are A Texas Tornado And A Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.

What Goes Clop, Clop, Bang, Bang, Clop, Clop, Clop?
An Amish Drive-By Shooting

What do you call a person who puts poison in
a someone's corn flakes?
A cereal killer

Why wouldn't the handkerchief stop dancing?
Because it still had a little boogie in it.