Man And Women

Women are like Elephants. I like to watch them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
-- W.C. Fields

Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.
-- Lenny Bruce

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.
-- Groucho Marx

At 38 years, I finally got me the woman that said those six words I wanted all my life to hear: 'My dad owns a liquor store.'
-- Mark Klein

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
-- Tim Allen

Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?
-- Benny Hill

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'
-- Emo Philips

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.
-- Les Dawson

A girl phoned me the other day and said ... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
-- Rodney Dangerfield

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always (Always Right).

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.